Do answers really help?

Mon 4-12-10
OB called today with the results of the preliminary report. LOOKS like nothing was wrong with Dilen! There’s a possibility the Ultrasound was wrong! Her cord developed with a natural ‘kink’ in it that restricted the blood flow from the placenta. As she grew she wasn’t getting enough. (We’re still waiting for the results of the chromosome testing and autopsy, so we’ll see) When she was born, we did notice how thin the cord was (like a piece of yarn) and the dr’s mentioned how small the placenta was. I don’t know if that’s how it always was or if it starts to shrink once the baby passes. But Scott and I SAW her, we noticed the extra skin that made up her Hygroma. Maybe the ‘kink’ was a blessing, maybe without it she would have survived a little longer. We still would have lost her.
I want to try again. I need to learn how to let go of Dilen first so I know I’m not just trying to get her back.
During the day I feel like I’m coping better. I’m able to smile, laugh, love…. Once evening comes, I start to break down. Just tired maybe?
Joined the MISS board. Thought it would help me cope with losing her. I think it just keeps the loss fresh with each new post I read. I don’t think that’s a good thing for me.