Saturday April 24, 2010
Not a good day. Loving on Samantha and just taking in the joy she gives me has kept me going. Kept me grounded. Thinking , planning on trying again has given me something to cling to. Has given me hope. Today Scott put his foot down. He wants time. He wants more time to grieve Dilen. He thinks I’m just trying to replace her. Maybe he’s right. He wants more time to enjoy Samantha as a baby. Taking away my hope to try again soon has plunged me back into oblivion. I need something good to look forward to. I don’t know how long I can keep it together with Dilen’s delivery as my most recent memory. That’s what I’m trying to replace. The memory.
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